Deconstructing Perfectionism

"Ceaseless striving for perfection wearies the soul." ~Sisu Slays

     Perfectionism is the destroyer of the human spirit. The attempt to be perfect in all things is a futile effort to control all things; even those which are uncontrollable. 

When we attempt to present our lives as the perfect image, we are negating the truth that we are fallible and this dichotomy has driven many mad. In fact, plenty of individuals have dug a hole of depression and anxiety to maintain an image that requires too much energy to maintain.

Unexamined, we can go through life trying to appear as the perfect parent, spouse, boss, employee, student, daughter, son, etc. We fall into these roles in pursuit of approval, love, and acceptance. Subtly, we adopt the mantra, "I must be . . . I should have . . . I am only good enough when . . ." Whether this is conscious or not, the pull to wear a mask or hide one's true self is an act of self-preservation.

Honestly, being perfect is too much work. We become the, "Yes ma'am and no sir" individual whose own identity is meshed within the fear of rejection and loss. These low vibrational energies create chaos within our relationships. We fear to reveal our true feelings or express our deepest truths because if we do, the other may see how truly worthless we believe we are.

The cycle of striving for perfection is rather self-abusive for the following reasons:

• Tension builds within. We find ourselves needing to maintain the image others have come to know us by and when we feel the threat of exposure, we can experience discomfort (i.e. anger, fear, embarrassment or the threat of loss).
  
• The tipping point or outburst. If we feel someone has discovered a truth about us that may cause judgment or rejection, we can explode with anger, withhold further interaction, or have a meltdown because now we've been "found out."
  
• Back to normal. Once the threat has dissipated, we attempt to smooth over the incident by being extra nice, overcompensating for our poor behavior or justify why the outburst happened. 

An example of this could be when a friend visits without announcement and you have dirty dishes in the sink, trash overflowing and takeout food containers in the living room. With no time to tidy up, your friend is in full view of how you really live. I've been here and felt ashamed and embarrassed for fear of judgment. And to cover this up, excuses ensue and apologies came out of my mouth a mile a minute. 

Rather than walk in our truth, we make excuses for the quirks that make us unique. Instead of speaking our truth, we silence our tongues for fear of being abandoned, ridiculed or humiliated. The thought of revealing our true nature to others terrifies us to the core because what if it's true - what if we are not enough? We cop out and opt for the perfect hair, perfect body, perfect grades, words, image, etc. We decline opportunities to be real, authentic, and have meaningful connections with others. 

Perfectionism is insidious. 

What is the antidote to this chaos? What is the surefire remedy to remove this ceaseless striving and live with integrity? How do we honor ourselves to the fullest and invite others to do the same?

• Radical acceptance! We are complex creatures comprised of mind, body, and soul. Every flaw is uniquely designed to set us apart from each other. Everything from the curves of our body, the tone of our voice, and how we perceive the world is unlike anyone on this planet. Rather than viewing these aspects of self as deficits, seeing them as uniquely strange to us is key. Full acceptance - no compromise.
  
• Radical self-love! Patience, kindness, perseverance . . . these are the actions love requires. Uplifting ourselves with affirmations, speaking only kindness about ourselves, and creating a tribe of the like will generate love unconditionally. This doesn't mean we won't have "bad" days, but our ability to bounce back to love will be quick and we will crave nothing but love for self and others.
  
• Radical forgiveness! Whether we trespass against self with critical remarks or others attempt to invalidate, reject or make us feel small . . . forgive the fuck out them and yourself. Whether we like this or not, we are on this space rock together until our last breath. Why hold the world on our shoulders when we can bless and release all negativity.
  
• Radical gratitude! Every lesson is a blessing. The evolution of self is a blessing. Accepting our fallibility is a lesson. Recognizing our unique attributes is a blessing. The opportunity to give thanks is always available and the more we do this, the more we open our hearts to experience radical love . . . unconditional, juicy love!

Rember, you have choices. Choose perfect or choose love; only you can decide. 

TTYL,

Sisu