A Letter to My Ego

My Ego, My Ego . . .

I must admit that it's been fun observing you in action. You've mastered fear to a "T." For years you whispered in my ear sweet nothings of how I am not worthy to be loved, I am worthless and alone.

I've been convinced of this for almost all my life. Every time my mother hit me  you were there to validate fear's truth. Every time a boy dumped me, you hovered over my shoulder whispering, "See, you're worthless."

Easy to accept, I believed the lie when someone left me, hit me or rejected me. You're quick to remark, "It must be true . . ." Ego, I am a sucker for a good story and adopted the narrative of "Everything's My Fault." You're a snake-like scum who whispers amazing lies to those who would believe.

Your voice sounds just like mine - how would I know you're not me?

So I strived for perfection because you convinced me perfection = love. I worked my ass off to get love and admiration but always fell short. Never missing a beat, you reminded me of failure time and again.  

Be a good girl, you said. Stop you're crying . . . don't look weak . . . shut up . . . don't wear that . . . you're fat . . . you deserve shit . . . no one will hear you . . . others are smarter than you . . . they're prettier . . . thin . . . likable. . .

Ego, you nursed my worst nightmares of abandonment. Every time I was rejected, let down, let go, you were quick to remind me that everyone leaves and I am expendable. I must admit you're good at what you do. You survive in the shadows of my fears and are ready to pounce when it appears I am letting you go.

Your chains have shackled my soul long enough and I am breaking free of your grip.

Your time is up, Love is here and she is beautiful. She is healing the broken places within my soul. Love is shining light on dark places where you reside.

She is gathering momentum and we are ascending to heights beyond your reach. Ego, the death of you is near. I am no longer afraid of the pictures you post or the cutting words you spew.

Ego, I am Love and I am coming to eradicate you.