A Disciplined Mind (Part Three): Facing Our Shadows
Self-awareness is a luxury we can all afford. To be self-aware means we know what makes us glad, sad, mad, and scared. This level of awareness belongs to those who care to observe. Further, this also includes taking action when adverse reactions infringe upon us.
Observation of oneself happens through internal motivation to gain clarity or when an outside force impinges on our space and forces an examination of less than desirable behaviors. Without a thought about one's behavior, thoughts or feelings, we can find ourselves trapped in a chain of reactions and outcomes less desired.
Quite honestly, what we shape (give attention to), shapes us.
An honest observation and evaluation of our self-talk, trends in conversations, and behaviors will indicate where our energy flows. For instance, if we find ourselves standing in line and getting anxious about how slow it's moving or find we're critical of the service being offered, it 's safe to assume this same behavior and feelings are expressed in other areas of our life.
We can continue with reactive behaviors (a carnal response to being mad, sad, or scared) or we can create new experiences that align with the best version of ourselves. To create the best version of ourselves, we need to tackle those underlying beliefs that are creating maladaptive behaviors.
I used to be one of those moms who would freak out over spilled milk. I could feel the anger rising in my chest, my face turning red and my jaw clenching. And then I would yell.
At the moment the release felt great! It was like a teapot blowing steam out of the spout when water boiled. But the aftermath was my kid crying and feeling ashamed for making a mistake and myself feeling like crap because I couldn't keep my shit together.
The situation happened more than once . . . I started to pay attention and realized that I was on repeat with the same shit and it was time to escape. So I dove deep into my childhood and discovered that my mother also displayed the same behavior and I never knew why. Her behavior lived through me; now it's changed and I am okay with spilled milk so long as it's cleaned up.
Before we can tackle our shadows (those pesky feelings, thoughts, and beliefs that haunt us), we must learn how to cope with the discomfort. Simply, we must learn to self-regulate before going deep into our own shit.
What the fuck is self-regulation?
It's being able to respond versus react to stimuli (regardless of where it's coming from).
How?
Breathe. We must learn to breathe in the present moment knowing that discomfort is temporary. This is the first step in facing our shadows and cultivating a disciplined mind.
TTYL,
Sisu
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